Did I Ever Tell You About...

So...

Did I ever tell you about the time that I almost died at the fish market??

My favorite fish market in LA is Plaza Fish on Western & King in LA. Good stuff, good prices, etc... I decided one Friday night, like every one else in the city, that I wanted some fish. (Fillet of Sole is my favorite, btw.) In my infinite genius, I don't call ahead and have to stand in line and wait 30 minutes for my order, but it's cool, because like I said, Plaza Fish is really good.

I walk into the shop and there is a guy in front of me with his bluetooth on, despite the fact that he is not currently on the phone, and I hear some women come up behind me. I don't turn around and look because I'm not nosey like that and I was focused on the task at hand.

(Sidenote: If you ever see me going down the street and honk or wave, 9 times out of 10, I will NOT turn around. I make it a point to mind my own business in the streets, FYI.)

So, the guy walks up to the counter and places his order. He moves to the side and looks over his shoulder in my direction. He does a double-take and this is when I knew things were going to get a bit troublesome.

I turned to see the real life embodiment of Sheneneh and Key-LoLo standing behind me. Sheneneh had electric blue braids and had to be about 8 months pregnant. Key-LoLo, the more subdued of the two, had lavender braids.

Bluetooth guy, with a decidedly puzzled look on his face, says, "Didn't I just see you smoking outside?" As soon as it left his mouth, a look of deep set regret and

Why the HELL did he do that?!?!?

Now, call me bougie (because I kinda am), but I know my place. I know that one of the unwritten rules in the hood is that if you see a woman with multi-colored hair, she has nothing to lose. Sheneneh proved me sooo right.

I have NEVER heard a person called so many mutha-effa's in rapid succession EVER. And all Mr. Bluetooth could do was put his head down on the counter. Then this fool started pretending that he was on the phone, cupping his bluetooth and mumbling about the dangers of smoking while pregnant.

The whole time this is going on, all I could think was, "All I wanted was some fillet of sole. Maybe some shrimp, but just a little fish. This can't be the end."

My little self-talk/silent prayer for help was interrupted by Sheneneh asking me if I was in line. Still not making ANY eye contact, I nodded quickly and got as close to the counter as possible. I was never so glad to order and find a corner in my life. I think Sheneneh was a little antsy, too. She was trying to get home and get her "40 out of the freezer before it froze up too much."

I got my food and never looked back. And that's how I almost died at the fish market.

True story.