Ok, so I know I am late in seeing Tyler Perry's For Colored Girls..., but I promise y'all that I could have gone my whole life without it. I'm the first to admit that I have not read the original play by Ntozake Shange (stone me later) nor have I seen any productions of the play, but I can assure you that neither will disturb me more than this movie did.
I think that the reason that FCG hit me so hard was that I was not forewarned by ANYONE about it. I did not go see it in the theater (Thank Black Jesus), but those that I spoke to that did said nothing more than "It was good" or "Tyler did a good job" in reference to the quintessential "How was the movie?" question. At least I got some honest feedback on Precious, which led me not to see that movie. (And you can't make me see that isht, either!)
The only conclusion that I can arrive at is that people were either stunned into silence or signed some kind of gag order upon exiting their local Magic Johnson Theater to not speak on this work. Funniest thing is that EVERYONE I have spoken to about the movie has felt the SAME way that I did. I tore back into the dvd cover after the movie was over looking for the necessary upper that I was convinced came with movie. I found nothing and had to talk myself out of jumping off the nearest curb.
To those I spoke to who did NOT forewarn me, I curse you in my best Florida Evans voice: "Damn, Damn, DAMN!!!"
OK, deep breath. *Woo-Sah*
For Colored Girls... is the unforgivably tragic story of nine women in NYC. They range in age from 16 to 60+, with each enduring their own personal crisis and we get to watch the aftermath. Issues range from rape, abortion, downlow husbands, whoredom, chronic nosiness, and "a piece of man is better than no man" syndrome.
Let me just tell you that the cast roster was indeed impressive. Whoopi Goldberg, Loretta Devine, Phylicia Rashad, Thandie Newton, Kerry Washington, Janet Jackson, Anika Noni Rose, and the MOST cryingest Black Woman in Cinema History, Kimberly Elise.
Side note: I found myself EXTREMELY grateful that Mariah "MiMi" Carey-Cannon backed out of this project. I don't know that I could have stomached her in any of these roles. I'm not the only one that saw "Glitter"...
What was not impressive was the fact that all of these women played the same women that they ALWAYS play, except JJ. Y'all know she doesn't get the chance to act often and we know why. Loretta Devine was the continuation of Gloria from Waiting to Exhale. Kimberly Elise was the snotting mother who couldn't find her way out. And I honestly expected Phylicia Rashad to bust out with some Claire Huxtable Spanish in the hallway at some point.
While I did not expect this to be a feel good experience, I was not ready for the continuous downward spiral into the land of depression and despair. Here are my main gripes.
- Kerry Washington's character was the WORST social worker in history. Period.
- Ain't NO way on God's green earth or in hell below that Macy Gray would be allowed to go ANYWHERE near my lady parts. No, sir! No, ma'am!
- Janet didn't smell penis on her husband's breath when he came home at night? Yeah, OK...
- I had to turn the volume down every time Loretta Devine came into a frame. Why big chicks always gotta be loud? *side eye*
- Thandie Newton is generally awkward when she tries to be all sex-kitteny.
- Anika Noni Rose came off real naive a la "Lorelle" in Dreamgirls. "I's a woman nah!"
- Whoopi sweated like a slave in that movie. All that white did NOT keep her cool.
While this whole post may seem like one giant nit-picking session, I bring it home to one major problem: The writing. The story was written like a musical without the music. The characters would be having a conversation and, all of a sudden, the Colored woman in question would start speaking in flowery language or couplets. There was no fluidity to the incorporation of the original text into Tyler's new fangled storyline. Not that I expected Madea to have a cameo on a stoop or anything, but come on, son, connect the dots.
If there's anyone out there who still wants to see this movie after reading my review, inbox me. I'll mail you my copy.
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