Letting Go...

I know that it's officially a week until Valentine's Day and all, but I am feeling compelled to write about the loss of love. Well, at least the loss of what I thought may have possibly been love. I don't write this from a bitter place, but rather from point of gratitude. Sometimes, we need to get rid of hindrances in order to prepare for the receipt of greater things.

In the last two years, I have lost three men in my life that I never would have imagined would go. One of these men I loved romantically. The other two were connections that I had never experienced nor doubt that I will ever experience again. I'll give a brief summary of each to catch you up. Ready??

The first man... Without question the most physically attractive man I have ever been involved with. Everything and nothing all at the same time. All the relationship, none of the commitment. Terrible communicator with a good heart. Affectionately distant. *My Heart*

The second man... The unexpected connection. Friends on levels that most involved people never get to, minus the physicality. I'm talking telepathy, finishing each other's sentences, same likes, similar dislikes, matching attitudes. And we danced. *My Mind*

The third man... The jumpoff that stayed around. The puppy dog that adored me, yet pissed on my favorite shoes after he chewed the heel on them. Unnaturally attached and dependent upon me. Cried to me in private and lied to me in public. Your quintessential shady bastard. He tried, but sincerity just wasn't his strong point. *My Pain in the Ass*

*My Heart*

I was smitten with this man from the minute I saw him. Just a big 'ol, chocolate, dimple having, piece of gorgeous. When I gave him my number, I told him to list me as "his wife" in his phone. (I know, I know. Lol.) What resulted from that night was two plus years of affection, beautiful moments, estrangement, teeth pulling, ignoring, pleading, and finally, a realization. Without the right words, I was just hoping against hope. I had to stop chasing him because he didn't want to be caught. Not by me, at least. The release wasn't easy, but it was so necessary.

*My Mind*

Unorthodox beginning to a truly unorthodox relationship. Met online, considerable age difference, from different places in the world, but there was something there. The more we spoke, the more quickly the Grand Canyon became a crack in the sidewalk. But, though it all sounds like sunshine, there were plenty of storms. There is something so delicate about a man in transition. In my own way, I tried to be supportive, but sometimes, my extended hand of friendship was seen as a jab at his manhood. And as a man, he moved to defend his manhood by lashing out. Yes, I know it was coming from a place of pain, but it was still too much for me to endure. I had to let him go to heal himself. The sad part is that what we had, a genuine friendship and connection, can never be recaptured.

*My Pain in the Ass*

I blame myself. I should have ended this one before it got as far as it did. Shoulda stopped the good time where it was. But, no. So, I endured almost 4 years of lies masquerading as adulation. I mean this guy would start using words that I used. Wanted to eat where I ate. Work where I worked. Became very jealous of *My Heart* when he entered the scene. Enough was enough. Had to remove the leech. The drain was too much on my life.

I learned a lot from all of these situations and I definitely thank God for the lesson and the experience. I have grown as a woman and evolved into a better person for having gone through these relationships. I love me a lot more and welcome the more suitable replacements into my space.