Where Yo Man At???

Yay! I'm back from my #Dirty30 festivities! Thanks to everyone for the love!

Let's keep it real. I'm a decent looking kid. I'm not your average woman. I am not a size 8 and do not aspire to be. I like artsy things and unconventional places. I keep weave hair in the trunk of my car. My shoe game is pretty impressive. I'm definitely an original by any standard, yet I find it difficult to find someone that is even down for a Starbuck's session. I like to go out and have a little fun every now and again. But, apparently getting a date requires a percentage of detectable, injectable plastic or an advanced degree in whoring, neither of which I am in possession of.

With all that being said, I still find myself catching the eye of a gentleman every now and again. But, that's usually where it ends. They look and say nothing. Smile, nod, and never break stride. Guess I attract attentive mutes or something. *cue Kenan Thompson* What's up with that??

I learned a long time ago that if you don't speak up, you WILL be ignored. Rejection is a part of life, so in some cases, it was better to get the "no, thanks" out of the way instead of sitting around twiddling my thumbs and staring at the phone. That's yielded a 50/50 result for me.

I remember writing a detailed (read: long) e-mail to a classmate expressing my interest in taking things to another level and getting an equally detailed (read: soul crushing) e-mail from him stating why he wasn't interested. But, hey, at least I was aware, right?? *tear drop*

Now, ever so often, one of the mutes decides to dead his inner Helen Keller and strike up a conversation. And for some, that's when I realize that he should have kept walking. For those that pass the preliminary interview stage, there is a usually a key phrase uttered in the next round that solicits an immediate and involuntary *side-eye of death* stare:

"You're too (insert potentially polite adjective here) to be single. Where's your man?"

I don't know if they teach that line at Mack Daddy Academy or if it's one of those things pubescent boys are taught to say to chicks right after they're given their first wallet condom. Either way, it is the epitome of a backhanded compliment. What is essentially being said is:

"You are very (insert same potentially polite adjective here), but there has to be something wrong with you to not be in a relationship."

And, men, even if that's not what you meant, that's what I heard. I have yet to hear a woman come at a man with the same line. It reeks of judgment and I say this after polling several other women on how they respond to the same line. So, it's not just me.

If there is actually someone who has enough sense to not insult or piss me off during the initial conversation, there is usually one MAJOR issue blocking the arrangement of a social outing, outside of scheduling: After asking for a phone number, the fool won't call.

Umm, why ask for a number if you're not gonna use it?? I'll wait for an answer...

That makes absolutely NO sense to me. Why go through the trouble of requesting a number that you're never going to call? Did you have a bet with your 30-something that the first dude with 5 numbers today gets free lunch? Do you call 411 and ask for random numbers not to call, too?

But, despite these constant and troubling pitfalls, I'm gonna keep trying. There's gotta be a coffee-drinking, movie watching, dinner eating guy in the LA area that'll call sooner or later.